Cell phones ruined everything. Period.

They trash our attention span, our cognitive faculties, and our interpersonal relationships. They farm us for data and track our every move. They addict us and manipulate us with their flashy apps and algorithmically curated content. You don’t hate them enough. Seriously. If I could chuck mine in a lake, I would.

The Product that Doesn’t Exist

But, being a family man and a churchman, people expect me to carry one. If you’re like me and you hate carrying a cell phone, let me give you some tips on how to hamstring your phone’s ability to ruin your daily life.

If I could, I would just use a simple “dumbphone”, which is a name we gave to things we used to just call normal cell phones. The older versions of these devices are exactly what I want: they call, text, manage contacts. That’s literally all I need a cell phone to do. Cameras are a nice add-on, but not necessary. I don’t need a clock, because I wear a watch. I don’t need note-taking apps, because I carry a notebook. Just give me something that I can use to call and text, and that only calls and texts.

But of course, such a device doesn’t exists because most people wouldn’t buy it, and no tech company would endorse it. You can’t sell ads and clicks or farm data off of a secure dumbphone.

Don’t Use a Dumbphone

There are two solutions to this:

1. Use a dumbphone.
2. Make your smartphone dumb.

Here’s the conundrum. The overall consensus from security-conscious folks online is to not use a dumbphone. They’re basically all running stripped down versions of Android (meaning Google is still spying on you), and often run inferior hardware on older cell network protocols. This includes those hipster e-ink phones like the LightPhone. They can’t do as many pathologically addictive things as your smartphone, but they’re way less secure and private. Option 1, for me, is out the window.

Use GrapheneOS

That leaves Option 2.

Buy a used or refurbished carrier-unlocked Google Pixel phone on Swappa for a couple hundred bucks and flash GrapheneOS on it. It only takes a few minutes to do.

GrapheneOS is a completely deGoogled OS and is considered the gold standard in smartphone security. Don’t use LineageOS or CalyxOS or any other deGoogled OS; GrapheneOS is by far the best. It is only compatible with Pixels because they are well-built with hardware designed for security. This exact setup is what I have used for my daily driver for several years.

This is a secure phone. To make it dumb, just don’t install junk on it. Don’t install Facebook or Twitter/X or Gmail or some fast food chain app or some other pathological closed-source spyware on your ultra-secure device. I only use free and open source apps on my phone. They’re easy to get, and I’m able to do everything I need to do: secure message, email, etc. Right out of the box, the built-in system apps for calling, texting, taking photos, and opening PDF files are great.

Yes, I Want It Both Ways

The only issue with GrapheneOS is that it’s a smartphone OS, so it can do the pathological addictive stuff that smartphones are designed for if you want it to. I can forego installing spyware and other slop. I can even block installation of all apps.

However, GrapheneOS ships with a browser that can’t be uninstalled. If you have had a content problem before in your life, you know how much of an issue the browser can be, because you can use it to still access all the junk you’re trying to get away from.

Querying the internet distills this chain of reasoning:

Me: I want a dumbphone. Are they secure?

Internet: No, just use GrapheneOS.

Me: Okay, how do I remove the browser from GrapheneOS?

Internet: It’s a system app, you can only disable it.

Me: But I want it completely gone.

Internet: Why don’t you want it? That would just make your phone a dumbphone. You need to have more self-control and see a psychologist.

For clarity: yes, I want the dumbest possible GrapheneOS setup, and no, I don’t need a psychologist.

Solving the Browser Problem

There are two options for the Browser Problem:

1. Root the phone.
2. Increase friction.

Rooting the phone, I’m told, is a bad idea. You basically plug in the phone and run a dodgy shell command that deletes the system app. There’s a small chance you irreparably break your phone.

Increasing friction is your best bet. If you can’t nuke the browser, you at least want to make it difficult to get it working again. Here is my setup.

Block network access to the browser. In case you reactivate it, it still won’t connect to anything.

Deactivate the app. Now, it won’t show in your launcher anymore.

Use a DNS sinkhole. Services like NextDNS allow you to block sites at the DNS level, so even if you have your browser working, it still can’t access the bad stuff. I’ve had YouTube blocked for years. You can even block the NextDNS dashboard from your phone, so you have to use a computer to change it if you want to cheat. If you really wanted, you could block all DNS queries for your phone, but this would block network access for every app (including things like app stores and messaging apps like Signal).

Use a launcher that forces you to ask for the thing you want to do instead of presenting you with a menu of options. I like this because you must ask yourself, “what am I opening my phone for?” You stay focused on the original task (e.g. making a phone call) and don’t get sidetracked (e.g. by clicking a shiny looking app icon). I like KISS Launcher.

This is also a good strategy for any user interface you want to distract you less. There are browser extensions that allow you to do this with YouTube etc.

Make your phone boring. This is a good tip for treating general cell pathology. Turn off notifications, make your phone black and white, using boring app icons (e.g. Arcticons), use a pure black background and a dark theme.

As much as I love my family, I won’t use a picture of them as my lock screen or home screen; I carry physical pictures.

Block the browser in your launcher. KISS Launcher allows apps to be hidden, even if they are active, giving you another layer of friction.

If you really want to lock it down, make a daily driver user profile. Don’t allow it to be able to add users, install apps, look at developer options, and don’t give it a browser. You’ll also want to lock down the Owner Profile with a strong password that only someone else knows, so you can’t just switch profiles.

Remember the Why

No one embarks on a digital minimalism project like this unless they have a good reason. Here are my reasons:

1. I don’t want my children growing up looking at the back of my phone; I want to have genuine connection with my family and friends.
2. I don’t want to be in a constant dopamine hole; I want to be truly happy.
3. I don’t want my cognitive faculties like attention span and focus to be eroded away; I want to use my mind as much as I can.
4. I don’t want to waste time; I want to be productive and enjoy life.
5. I don’t want to be spied on and controlled; I want to be free.

Remembering these reasons will provide the motivation to resist temptation in the moment and look for more fulfilling ways of achieving satisfaction in life. Average methods yield average results, and the average American’s relationship with their phone is pretty bad. If being weird means not being average, then be weird.